iPhone – Bad Girl: Dirty Dance Review

by Master Pillow

I am all for small independent studios thriving and making a buck but come on guys, Bad Girl: Dirty Dance is a title that should never have been released in its current state. On the surface of it all a quasi-choose your own adventure is something I have always enjoyed and there are times that I wish more developers went down this route by providing a fully branching storyline with colourful characters and elaborate writing. Unfortunately, Bad Girl: Dirty Dance feels as if it is a Grade 10 computer science project that has been constructed in a day.

The setup is incredibly simple as the player takes control of the aforementioned Bad Girl (who is seemingly nameless) who shows up at a dance school looking to find a quick hot romance with any hunky male candidate. Okay, I’ll give the developer points just for being so forward in Bad Girl’s intentions but those expecting either a comedic romp or a truly engaging Sex and the City type atmosphere are going to be sorely disappointed.

The game proceeds by giving the player a series of text options such as “You can try any course before making a decision. So would you rather start with flamenco or hip-hop?” and then asking the player to choose between “Flamenco sounds great; Hip Hop is what I crave; Are there any other choices?” From there, the game proceeds depending on your choice. In theory this gives players the feeling that they are truly controlling their destiny but in practice the game is a total wash since it is so short. I’m not talking one hour short I’m talking about fifteen minutes short. The total number of choices and permutations are so embarrassingly small that you can’t help but wonder what the whole point of this endeavour was.

Not only that but the branching storylines are incredibly purile and end as fast as they began. Here’s a short example – pick Flemenco dancing, flirt with the instructor, go out on a double date and realize he’s not for you. The end. Okay….I’m sure someone somewhere has experienced something like this before but it’s over in a flash in just a few screens of text and instead of having some sort of climax the game merely ends and forces you back to the home screen.

While I am not one to usually criticize someone’s art acumen the ones on display here are incredibly basic with only a handful of them to experience. The game provides players with a gallery of unlocked art which can be moved to your camera roll but I have a feeling no one will make use of this as the art itself is not particularly of a high quality to use as a wallpaper anyways. A quick search of Google or Bing images for “Bad Girls” would probably net you a million hits of either real women or beautifully drawn art which should tickle your fancy more than the images on display here.

The game also has an arcade mode which works very much like Dance Dance Revolution in that a series of icons scroll up from the bottom of the screen to the top and it is your job to tap each one as they pass the top demarcation line (a bunch of feet silhouettes actually). While some fun can be had with this the background animation showing Bad Girl and her partner dancing is hilariously inadequate as it is made up of very few animated frames which merely repeat over and over again making it look as if the duo is sliding along the floor while Bad Girl is spun around ad infinitum. Add in an obnoxious music soundtrack and I doubt many will play through this mode more than once or twice.

If you are really going to name your game “Bad Girl” and create an entire series of games where she is suppose to go out with hot guys it kind of predisposes the fact that it should feature titillating gameplay and or illustrations that at least poke fun at the concept or go all the way and feature lurid text but this title has none of this. In fact, it feels like it is a blatant attempt at a cash grab although I will give the developer props for making an ad-enabled free version. Even as a joke this is not a game to download and install as it is clearly a bottom feeder.

Final Score: ½*

Reviewed On: iPhone 4

Reviewed Version: 1.2

Size: 12.8 MB

Developer: Witchcraft Studios